BOL: Related items

Bioinformatician on Valentine's Day

BioQueen — Sun, 14 Feb 2021 11:36:32 -0600

Once asked to a bioinformatician "How is ur Valentine's Day?"

Bioinformatician replied:
if ($date == "Valentine's Day" && $me =! Bioinformatician) {
rose_day(); promise_day(); kiss_day();
}
else {
hack_genome(); ko-fi(); youtube(); do_scripting(); sleep();
)

BioGeek Fun

Jit — Sun, 16 Mar 2014 06:33:31 -0500

1. A futuristic computational biology student was told to write "It is in my gene!!!" on the board 100 times as a punishment. here's his response -

use warnings;
for ($count=1; $count <=100; $count++) { print "It is in my gene!!!";}

I guess, he is gonna to be a real biogeek. Nice try though. Smart kid.

2. In some perl script I found this
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
# It works for me, only God understood how it is working
while (/(<\/[^>]+>)|(<[^>]+>)|(<[^>]+>)$|([^><]+)/go) {
            $startGene=$1;
            $beginChromosome=$2;

. . . . . .
.. . . . . .
}

3. One more interesting message in Perl found …. It will must tickle you bone :)
open(my $fh, "<", "gene.txt") or kill " Me if you think this is a mistake :$!";

4. From the Perl

while () { # "The Mothership Connection is here!"
print “$_\n”; # Printing the offspring :)

5. Perl message
if ($1) { print “Just found a the error in chromosome !!!, yahoo…”; else { “That is not error, but mutation you moron!”;

6. One genome database curator walk in wine bar asked the bartender:
CREATE TABLE gene IF NOT EXISTS SexOnTheBeach;

A Bioinformatician’s Lament

LEGE — Thu, 29 May 2025 01:33:31 -0500

"I have a presentation tomorrow," they say,

With hopeful eyes, like it’s all child's play.
As if results bloom overnight, full-grown—
Not wrangled from chaos, and error-prone.

Oh brave soul, sit, let’s walk through the tale,
Of pipelines broken and servers that fail.
The journey starts: “The data? It’s there—
Just fetch it from S3, easy, I swear.”

Now I summon awscli with dread,
Reset my keys, credentials fed.
Configure regions, IAM roles too—
All this, and still no peek at the view.

Next up, the tool: “It’s open source!”
On GitHub, rotting, no sign of remorse.
Python 2.7, some GCC trick—
The install alone might make you sick.

Finally, progress! The pipeline runs…
Till RAM collapses and error stuns.
Oh, and the metadata? A crime,
Merged cells, font soup, out of time.

Sample IDs—what a cryptic game:
Sample_1, S1, sample-1... the same?
Controls mislabeled, cases flipped,
No wonder my sanity's starting to slip.

Then QC plots, PCA joy—
Wait, that’s a tumor labeled as a boy?
Clusters cross, and axes lie,
And I still don’t know which sample’s "guy."

But the clock ticks on, and it’s half-past doom,
They want the final UMAP soon.
With pastel colors, labeled clear—
"Can we move that legend to right here?"

Tweak by tweak, I adjust each frame,
Resize Panel B, annotate a name.
Export the plot—it starts to gleam…
Then my laptop crashes. I scream.

This is the grind, the long-haul game,
Where science hides behind code and flame.
No “Export to Nature” button to press,
Just toil and logic and hope for success.

So next time you whisper that fated line—
“I have a talk, can you make it shine?”
Know: bioinformatics is craft, not a click,
It’s science with scars, not just a quick fix.

To all who debug at 3AM light,
Who ghostwrite figures through sleepless night—
You are the backbone, silent and true,
First-author-worthy, if only they knew.

"कल मेरी प्रेज़ेंटेशन है," वो कहते हैं,

आशा भरी आँखों से, जैसे सब सहज है।
जैसे परिणाम रातोंरात प्रकट हो जाएं—
ना कि डेटा की भूलभुलैया से उखाड़े जाएं।

आओ बैठो, एक किस्सा सुनाता हूँ,
जहाँ पाइपलाइन टूटती है, और सर्वर भी थक जाते हैं।
कहानी शुरू होती है: “डेटा तो है—
बस S3 बकेट में, एकदम पास में कहीं।”

अब awscli बुलाता हूँ डरते हुए,
कुंजी सेट करूँ, क्रेडेंशियल जोड़ूं, रीजन भरूँ।
इतनी मशक्कत, फिर भी डेटा नहीं मिला,
बस सेटअप में ही पूरा दिन चला।

फिर आता है टूल: “ओपन-सोर्स है!”
GitHub पर है, 2019 से सूखा पड़ा है।
Python 2.7 चाहिए, एक पुराना कम्पाइलर,
और साथ में थोड़ी सी दुआ की ताकत।

आख़िरकार टूल चला, खुशी सी हुई,
लेकिन रन करते ही, मेमोरी ने हार मानी।
और मेटाडेटा? एक एक्सेल की आफ़त,
मर्ज़ किए हुए सेल, बस और क्या चाहिए काफ़ियत?

सैंपल आईडी? बस भगवान ही जाने—
Sample_1, sample-1, S1, और control1—
ये सब एक ही सैंपल हैं क्या?
पता तब चलता है जब पूछो दो-तीन बार।

काउंट मैट्रिक्स तैयार, अब R या Python की बारी,
QC करो, PCA प्लॉट—पर कुछ गड़बड़ भारी।
ट्यूमर और नॉर्मल का अदला-बदली खेल,
बार-बार, वही पुरानी झमेल।

आख़िर में आया मॉडलिंग का समय,
स्टैट्स, प्लॉट्स, डिफरेंशियल एक्सप्रेशन का श्रम।
लेकिन घड़ी में 5 बज चुके हैं जनाब,
और 8 बजे तक UMAP चाहिए, साफ़-सुथरा जबाब।

तो मैं कोड लिखता हूँ रात भर बैठ कर,
कलर पैलेट, जीन लेबल, लीजेंड बाहर रख कर।
फ़ॉन्ट, पैनल, एक्सिस सब सुधार,
एक्सपोर्ट करता हूँ... और लैपटॉप कहता है—"अब नहीं यार!"

इसीलिए बायोइन्फॉर्मेटिक्स में लगता है समय,
ये “बस सीरत चलाओ” या “वोल्कैनो प्लॉट बनाओ” नहीं है।
ये है सिस्टम एडमिन का काम, डेटा की सफ़ाई,
QC, डिबगिंग, और सांइस की सच्ची लड़ाई।

तो कुछ सीखें इस व्यथा से आप भी आज:
24 घंटे पहले चमत्कार मत माँगिए।
अच्छे फ़िगर साफ़ डेटा से बनते हैं।
बायोइन्फॉर्मेटिक्स जादू नहीं, विज्ञान है।
समय से बात कीजिए, प्रक्रिया का सम्मान कीजिए।

और उन सभी बायोइन्फॉर्मेटिशियनों को सलाम,
जो दूसरों की प्रेज़ेंटेशन के लिए रातों में जागते हैं—
तुम हो फ़िगर्स के भूत लेखक,
तुम हो बिना नाम के सह-लेखक।
तुम पहले लेखक बनने के हक़दार हो—
और एक लंबी नींद के भी।

Note: Written with the help of AI/LLM Tools !

What a bioinformatician always dream for ???

Jit — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 15:31:17 -0500

Well established bioinformatics labs with SGI(silicon graphics interface)
License of all commercial softwares.
Complete, and fully assembled genome of the girl :P
A girl/boy with lesser E-values and higher compatibility score.
Horoscope Match should be significant (not less that 18).
Laptops with broadband connections.
Licence to almost all genomics and proteomics servers.
All eBooks of bioinformatics.
Ready passport and Study visa.

Bioinformatician stuck in wet-lab

Rahul Agarwal — Tue, 06 May 2014 12:46:56 -0500

This guide is aimed at pet bioinformaticians, and is meant to guide them towards better career development.

1. Make friends with local bioinformatics groups
2. Talk to your computing group
3. Obtain clear expectations
4. Rewrite your job description
5. Papers
6. Attend bioinformatics meetings
7. Try first, ask later

Address of the bookmark: http://biomickwatson.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/a-guide-for-the-lonely-bioinformatician/

Biologist versus computational biologist !

Abhimanyu Singh — Mon, 29 Oct 2018 04:23:24 -0500

This is how it work :)

Genetics for Fun and Profit: Andrew Hessel at TEDxVilnius

Sun, 01 Sep 2013 19:15:06 -0500

Andrew Hessel co-chairs the Bioinformatics and Biotechnology track at the Singularity University, an institution founded by futurist Ray Kurzweil and X Prize Foundation CEO Peter Diamandis, with sponsorship from world-leading organizations that include Google, Autodesk, and NASA. He is also the founder of the Pink Army Cooperative, a venture aiming to make open source personalized cancer therapies. His work has been featured in The New York Times, Futurist Magazine, H+, and Wired News. In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Introduction to programming. Write short programs that generate graphics and animation.

Ram Yash Pal — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 23:29:04 -0500

Introduction to programming. Write short programs that generate graphics and animation.

http://funprogramming.org/

You can't install David Brownlee ;-)

Jit — Wed, 01 May 2019 21:47:36 -0500

By mistake I ask cpan to install abs, and it return this message.

jitendra@jitendra-Aspire-S3-391[parallelLastz] sudo cpan install abs [ 4:43AM]
Going to read '/home/jitendra/.cpan/Metadata'
Database was generated on Thu, 02 May 2019 00:08:06 GMT
Don't be silly, you can't install David Brownlee ;-)